I wanted to keep some old posts of some EQ songs from my old VL web site. I thought that you guys might find some of them amusing.
1)
[set to the tune/rhythm of THE REAL SLIM SHADY by Eminem]
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Thekk Bloodforge please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Thekk Bloodforge please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here.
Y'all act like you never seen a dwarf pally before
Jaws all on the floor like Dain, like Vindi just burst in the door
and started whoopin his a** worse than before they first went to war,
throwing him over precipice (Ahh!)
It's the return of the...
"Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,
he didn't just lay hands on himself, did he?"
And Loliane said... nothing you idiots!
Loliane’s dead, she's rooted in my basement! (Ha-ha!)
All the elf women think Thekk’s for them,
"Looky looky look at Thekk Bloodforge, I'm sick of him Look at him,
walkin around swinging his you-know-what
bashing the you-know-who,"
"Yeah, but he's so short though!"
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
For thinking I can tank as just good as all the warriors do.
Sometimes, I wanna hit Kael Drakkel and just let loose,
but can't, but it's cool for Masonite to thieve my corpse’s shoes
"My pie is on my lips, my pie is on my lips,
And if you’re lucky, you might just fill your gob like this.â€
And that's the message that we deliver to newbie kids
And expect them not to know what a barbarian’s ration is.
Of course they gonna know what Halas Pie is,
By the time they hit tenth level they all go to Everfrost don't they?
"We ain't nothing but mammals."
Well, some of us cannibals who eat halfling sandwiches like cantaloupes.
But if we can hunt the sebilites and froglok jokes
And get bitten by those pox scarabs and poisoned with their dope
But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
Rangers wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes
I'm Thekk Bloodforge, yes I'm the pally dwarf,
All you other Thekk haters wish you were this short.
So won't the real pie eater please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?
Bemerien don't need uber armor to kill monsters;
well I do, so DoT him and DoT you too!
You think I give a damn about a Lammy?
Half of you tanks can't even stomach me, let alone stand me
"But Thekk, you’re an uber pally – can you help me, dear?"
Why? You guys will just cry til you get me here
So I can pull your corpse from Ill Omen or Fear?
Nimi Mezerati better switch me chairs
so I can sit next to Cendaer or Benclash the worst,
and hear 'em argue over which one helped your corpse runs first
You little twink, tried to blast me on boards I see,
"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Miri, hee-hee!"
I should send to the guild a little message from me
and show the whole world how you couldn’t escape FV!
I'm sick of you twink girl and boy toons,
all you do is die soon, so I’m gonna let the mobs destroy you .
And Veeshan’s Legacy is just like me, cuss like me;
Kill the mobs with luck like me, die like me;
Love to eat pie like me
and just might be the next best thing, but not quite me!
I'm Thekk Bloodforge, yes I'm the dwarf pally,
All you other dumb a**es I’ll kick out in the alley.
So won't the real pie eater please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?
I'm the voice you better listen to, cause I'm only givin you
things you better know before raiding the sarnak royals rooms.
The only difference is I got the rank to give orders to y'all
and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all.
I just get on guild chat and spit it and whether you like to admit it
I just kill it better than ninety percent of you players out there
Then you wonder how can mobs eat up these newbies like valiums
It's funny; cause at the rate I'm goin when I'm sixty
I'll be the only pally in the Sleeper’s Tomb flirting
Pinchin chanter asses when I'm swinging, blood is spurting,
I’m not shirking, cause the warrior holding agro isn't working
And every single person is a Thekk Bloodforge lurkin
He could be killing off the Sarnak King, porting off to druid rings,
Or in the Rathe Arena circling, screaming "Hey, you’d best give up!"
with Lay Hands down and a Damage Shield up
So, will the real Thekker please stand up?
And put a weapon in each hand up?
And be proud to be VL in your mind and outta control,
and one more time, loud as you can, how does pie go?
I'm Thekk Bloodforge, I love to eat pie,
Give it up to me or I’ll pop you in the eye.
So won't the real pie eater please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?
I'm Thekk Bloodforge, yes I'm the pally dwarf,
All you other Thekk haters wish you were this short.
So won't the real pie eater please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?
2)
[Create your own Tune]
I went down and bought this game,
THe package read everquest,
Little did I know I would never quit,
For days and days I would sit,
On a journey that would never end,
Its turned my life upside down,
EQ and real life get fliped around,
Heck even my dogs now he's got wings
We sit at home we play all night,
we skip dinner we talk and fight,
Ban together to pass the test,
we are eq obsessed,
My girlfriend left me along time ago,
Back in my newbie days and black bird rows
I cant imagin,
where I would be withouyt my woodelf wife beside me,
and all my friends they go out to eat,
but I stay at home and order in chinese,
My friends kinda difrent but I got that,
My boss scowls at me ready to attack,
I had nightmares about christer love,
And being harased by newbie beggers,
and in my house when I die all you can hear,
as I cry, We sit at home we play atll day,
We skip are lunch, Kill all in are way,
Ban together to be the best,
We Are EQ obsessed, EQ obsessed,
I'm obsessed beyond,
Belife just play EQ eat, pe, and sleep,
I'm siting here,
Waisting my time my only friends are now online,
Always depressed over a lovers words,
wasting away here and geting fat,
found out my EQ wife is really a man,
and I eat my lunch out of a can,
Spent all my pay check yesterday,
buying some phat loot off of ebay and when everquest dies my life will die too, until out comes EQ2... "Pathetic"
3)
Clicker Man
(from the tune of Piano Man)
Its 12 O'clock on a saturday
The regular crew is on
There's a corpse laying next to me
while I get tell can you rez me again ....
He says "Son can you rez me free
I'm not really sure how I died
But it was fast and not neat I knew I was in deep
when I saw that train on that rogue."
La la la de de da
la la, de de da da da
Click us to live your the clicker man
click us to live tonight
Well we're all in the mood for expereince
and youll get us back on our feet...
Now Moyettog at the rings is a friend of mine
He gets me my rides for free...
And he's quick with a Sow or an evac to zone
But there's someplace that he'd rather be
He says, "Meddicc I believe they tryed to kill me
as nimiweh didn't mezz thoes frogs.
Well I'm sure I can make my lvl faster
If I could get out of this place.
Oh, la la la de de da
la la, de de da da da
Now Lakishawk is a slowing master
who never has money for gear...
His real life brother is Razzim is still in the Navy
And probably will be for life
And the rogue is practicing back stabbing
As the mobs slowly get stoned
Yes, they're sharing the camp with some freinds
but its better then dieing alone .....
Click us to life your the clicker man
click us to life tonight
we're all in the mood for experience
and youll get us back on our feet
We've made prety good loot for a saturday
and Keiki gives me a smile
Cause she knows that it is me they will be begging to see
to bring them back to life in a while ....
And the clicker it sounds a sweet tune
And the corpses are all laying here....
And I like that clank as they put bread in my bank
And say Man we are glad you are here.......
oh, la la la de de da
la la de de da da da
Click us to life your the clicker man
click us to life tonight
we're all in the mood for experience
and you've got us back on our feet.......
4)
One for the old school, with much love
[set to the tune of AMERICAN PIE by Don McLean]
A long, long time ago
I can still remember how that guildchat
used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance
that I could tame those people's rants
and maybe they'd be happy for a while.
Being guild boss made me shiver
with every edict I delivered,
new folks on the door step,
a merger was the best bet,
I can't remember if I cried
when I sacrificed my guildy pride
but something touched me deep inside,
the day the old guild died.
So... Bye bye RMoV goodbye
followed the ranger into danger
didn't win but we tried.
Them good ol' boys
were drinking ale, eating pie
and singing this will be the day the guild dies,
this will be the day the guild dies.
Did you write the charter with love
and do you have faith in the guild above
leveling at any cost?
I'd grab my guildmates and off we'd roll
taming dungeons we'd sell our soul,
piling up that E.X.P. so slow.
Well I thought that you begged a SoW like him
cuz I saw you running fast as sin.
then you both right-clicked your shoes,
"How the hell'd you get J-boots?"
I was a fearless human tanking truck
with a crafted breastplate headed off to Guk
but I knew I was out of luck,
the way the whole guild died.
I started singin...
Bye bye RMoV goodbye
followed the ranger into danger
didn't win but we tried.
Them good ol' boys
were drinking ale, eating pie
and singing this will be the day the guild dies,
this will be the day the guild dies.
Now for ten months we were on our own.
Nowadays we're hunting Howling Stones
but that's not how it used to be.
Our eyes were big and our wits were keen,
wiping so much kept our armor clean,
and a voice of reason that just missed you and me.
The Froglok King kicked us around
cause Sarlen wanted his Froglok crown.
Beaten down by mobs,
We felt like worthless slobs!
And as Nibi and Ben [i]heard the spectres moan
and damn near wiped the Oasis zone.
To make their bread they ground our bones,
the way the whole guild died.
We were singin...
So... Bye bye RMoV goodbye
followed the ranger into danger
didn't win but we tried.
Them good ol' boys
were drinking ale, eating pie
and singing this will be the day the guild dies,
this will be the day the guild dies.
It was Helter Skelter in the Mistmoore swelter
the guild was in need of a fallout shelter,
Raid went wrong, folks were fallin fast,
mowed down like so much summer grass.
We tried to run but the chance had passed,
The raid became a corpse pile, death en masse.
The corpse run time was quite a treat,
begging help from all we'd meet.
The naked zoned in crew
wait for corpse pulls what we'd do.
Loliane too valiant to wait for friends,
and left four corpses in the end.
Don't think we got trained? Well guess again.
the day the whole guild died.
We started singin...
So... Bye bye RMoV goodbye
followed the ranger into danger
didn't win but we tried.
Them good ol' boys
were drinking ale, eating pie
and singing this will be the day the guild dies,
this will be the day the guild dies.
Oh and there we were all looking for the place,
South Ro's as big as outer space.
Go back to the bridge and start again?
So come on, Chad be nimble, Chad be quick,
Chadopro showed us a pulling trick
because training is the way we always end.
Oh and as we blundered into the Paw,
Survival chances not much at all.
The casters just can't tell
how to counteract this spell.
And as the screams climbed high into the night
"Weeril's pulling our corpses, right?"
The gnolls were laughing with delight,
the way the old guild died.
We were singing...
Bye bye RMoV goodbye,
followed the ranger into danger
didn't win but we tried.
Them good ol' boys
were drinking ale, eating pie
and singing this will be the day the guild dies,
this will be the day the guild dies.
I met the girl who healed my wounds
and I asked her for some happy news
but she just smiled and turned away.
We ported to the zones of yore
where I'd hunted with them times before,
but the folks there said the guildies wouldn't play.
And in the zone the newbies packed,
the nukers fried, and the melee's hacked,
but not a word was spoken,
my mez could not be broken.
And the three that I admired most,
the Ranger, Tank, and Healer, boast
"Let's have a dragon weenie roast!"
Like the way the old guild died.
they were singin...
Bye bye RMoV goodbye
followed the ranger into danger
didn't win but we tried.
Them good ol' boys
were drinking ale, eating pie
and singing this will be the day the guild dies,
this will be the day the guild dies.
Bye bye RMoV goodbye
followed the ranger into danger
didn't win but we tried.
Them good ol' boys
were drinking ale, eating pie
and singing this will be the day the guild dies,
this will be the day the guild dies.
5)
[Set to the tune of "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)" by Rupert Holmes]
I was tired of my ranger, we'd been together too long.
Like a worn-out cantation of a favorite song.
So while he lay there sleeping, I read the paper in bed.
And in the personals column, there was this letter I read:
"If you like Bixie Crunchies, and getting caught in the rain.
If you're not into ogres, if you have half-a-brain.
If you like killing orcs at midnight, and can make my mouth gape.
I'm the elf you've looked for, write to me, and escape."
I didn't think about my ranger, I know that sounds kind of mean.
But me and my old ranger had fallen into the same old dull routine.
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad.
And though I'm nobody's poet, I thought it wasn't half-bad.
"Yes, I like Bixie Crunchies, and getting caught in the rain.
They hate my guts in Kael Drakkal, I'm allied with the Dain.
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon, a place like Freeport is great.
At a bar called Hogcaller's where we'll plan our escape."
So I waited with high hopes, then he walked in the place.
I knew his smile in an instant, I knew the curve of his face.
It was my own handsome ranger, and he said, "Oh, it's you."
And we laughed for a moment, and I said, "I never knew"..
"That you liked Bixie Crunchies, and getting caught in the rain.
Killing gobbys by the ocean, and scragging giants for the Dain.
If you like killing orcs at midnight, and you can make my mouth gape.
You're the love that I've looked for, come with me, and escape."
"If you you liked Bixie Crunchies, and getting caught in the rain.
Killing gobbys by the ocean, and scragging giants for the Dain.
If you like killing orcs at midnight, and you can make my mouth gape.
You're the love that I've looked for, come with me, and escape."
6)
(set to the tune of Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody")
Is this the real tank?
Is this just comedy?
If he's our meatshield,
No escape from death's tragedy.
You're on your own, turn tail for the zone and flee.
I'm just a half elf, I need no sympathy,
Because I'm easy come, easy go,
HP high, HP low,
Any way the mobs go,
doesn't really matter to me,
To me.
Sarama, just killed a guy,
Stunned by bashing in his head,
Swung my Lammy, now he's dead.
Sarama, our grind had just begun,
But agro's gone and trained it all away.
Sarama, ooh, Didn't mean for us to die,
Where's the zone? The group's getting torn apart.
Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters.
Too late, my time has come,
If these four mobs crack my spine, I'll be naked for a time.
Goodbye, ev'rybody, You've got to go,
Gotta leave me here and try to find the zone.
Sarama, ooh, I don't want to die,
I sometimes wish I'd never been a tank at all.
I see a little silhouetto of a tank,
Celestial Heal, that's the deal,
man I wish I had some Aego.
Someone casting lightning? Very, very fright'ning me.
(Its a Caster!) It's a caster?
(What a bastard!) Dying faster!
Where did all my buffage go?
Don't root me, NOOOoooooo...
I'm just a half elf, nobody loves me.
He's just a half elf swinging a big sword you see,
Spare him his life from this monstrosity.
Caster gal, be a pal, heal me before you go?
Can't agro! No -- No heals before I go.
(Let me go!) SARAMA!
No heals before I go.
(Let me go!) SARAMA!
No heals before I go.
(Let me go.)
No heals before I go.
(Let me go.)
No heals before I go.
(Let me go...)
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
I'm in trouble, just one bubble!
Just a heal before you go?
Innorruuk has a devil put aside for me,
for me, for me...
So you think you can root me and spit in my eye.
So you think you can bleed me and leave me to die?
Oh, Karana, can't do this to me, Karana,
Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here.
(LOADING, PLEASE WAIT...)
Nothing really matters,
Tanks still swing you see,
Nothing really matters,
Nothing really matters to me.
Any way the mob goes...
7) And Finally... (I wrote this one:)
[Sung to the tune of Gin and Juice (Phish Version)]
There's so much drama in this K.C.,
Its kinda hard bein' a Ranger: L. F. G.,
This kind of sh** happens all the time,
You find yourself a group before I find mine.
Rollin out the Zone with the Agro, Castin' that Snare & Root.
Need Crack, Cause I got my Mind on my Mana, and my Mana on my Mind.
There's so much drama in this K.C.,
Its kinda hard bein' a Ranger: L. F. G.,
Zoned in and I started a Fight,
VS is Camped but not VS-Light!
So Im sittin' back listenin' to you berate me,
Cause Ive trained the front door of this K.C..
This type of Sh** happens all the time,
I shout "Train Left", you shout "Train Right!"
Rollin out the Zone with the Agro, Castin' that Snare & Root.
Need Crack, Cause I got my Mind on my Mana, and my Mana on my Mind.
Later On that Da-ay, My Homegirl Nimiwe-eh,
Came by with a Gang of Clarita-ay, and a Windbla-ade,
Now that 2 Hand Slash, It aint no Joke,
Made the Windblade Smoke, so I backed Up off It,
I Set that Windblade Down,
A Windblade and Clarity, Now KC's Messed Up Now!!!!
But dont get upset, because Ive got the Agro,
Here comes another Train, and Im a'Out That door.
Rollin out the Zone with the Agro, Castin' that Snare & Root.
Need Crack, Cause I got my Mind on my Mana, and my Mana on my Mind.
I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOYED THESE SONGS.....
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