EQ Unnatural Laws- How many do you know? Pt. 1
A parody on the popular 18 Unnatural Laws. Murphy, O’Tool and all the rest of them have us rolling out of our seat with their laws, rules and such. But I’ve come up with this little ‘ol list to entertain myself as well as the masses.
Everquest Unnatural Laws has taken about a year and a half of game experience to write. Although it actually didn’t take that long. Just a couple of days. It was just the repetitive nature of the game and the same things that would happen time, and time again.
Now I mean no offense to those whom I’ve named laws and rules after…since it’s more of the fact that they themselves have these little corks. And to those people who have some rules and laws named after them…I’m sorry but we thank you!
Let the list begin.
The Bard’s Law
If anything goes wrong, blame the bard.
The Enchanter’s Quota on Mesmerize
Always mez thy self when mobs won’t.
The Unspeakable Rule of Camping
As soon as you mention something about the camp…
…if it’s good, you get trained…
…if it’s bad you get trained.
Bazaar Law on Wheeling, Dealing, and Stealing
Negative expectation on sells yields in lowering prices. Positive expectations on sells results in someone purchasing the item and selling for more only to result in that person making more money than you.
The Tank’s Observation Law
The other camp looks better.
The Expectation of Healing Law
When the tank needs a heal the healer will heal. If another class needs a heal the healer will be out of mana.
Druid’s Law of Kiting
When casting snare the first time doesn’t work, run. When casting snare the second time make sure to target yourself and arggo some more of it’s friends.
SOE Golden Rule on Patches.
It takes 8 hours to do a full patch. 3 hours for an emergency patch. 2 hours to of telling people the problem is on their end. Months to devise an expansion pack to deal with patch problems and introduce new ones.
The Rule of Pet Problems
One sentence…’Looking of a rez PGT.’
The Other Melee’s Rule on Mob Hits
The chance of the mob hitting you harder and more often than the tank is directionally proportional to the number of your hit points.
See: The Expectation of Healing Law
The Rogues Law of Dealing with Mobs
I have yet to meet one.
The Monk Law on Selective Gravity
Self explanatory.
Iro’s Law on Zones
Make sure to die and leave body behind like jelly beans on a trail to find your way around.
Now I’ve seen the bodies of Iro, our fearless leader, and many of his alts in different zones. And sometimes more than once…so I’ve heard. So this is my only conclusion as to why.
Paladin’s Rule on Pulling
Pull everything you can. Act tough! Be Tough! Growl at it! Chances that the mob might run away in total fear of your superiority 000.1%. Actual chances of yelling mommy and lay on hands not being up 100%. (For a Dwarf Paladin the chances of yelling mommy are 5%. They are more prone, however, to yelling ‘SAVE MY BEER.’)
EQ Amplification of Emotions Theory
Your feelings are directionally proportional to the amount of time you have on your hands and small amount of life you may lead.
This isn’t the end I’ve just begun to scratch the surface of a funny looking mound. Feel free to add on.
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